Truth of Life
by yuuram2fangirl
Summary: Suzaku and Lelouch clear up a few things before the final phase of the Zero Requiem.


**Truth of Life**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.**

**Author Notes: ****This story's idea was given (and requested) by Aqua Roxas. She wanted to read a conversation between Lelouch and Suzaku before his death where a few things are cleared up. I tried to make it as in character as I could but I am afraid that Suzaku (and maybe even Lelouch) might be a bit OOC. Read and review!**

Suzaku Kururugi was officially dead. The keyword here being official. As he walked towards Lelouch's room, he reflected on the irony that when he wanted to die, he had been forced to live and when he was declared dead, he wanted to live.

(But he was a murderer and murderers had no place in the new world that he and Lelouch were aiming to create)

There were times he regretted how everything had gone. There were also times a lot of What-if's came to his mind. But the he did the best thing he could; lock those thoughts in some dark forgotten corner of his mind and forget about it until the night where it appeared in his nightmares to haunt him.

But now he wanted answers.

It was funny that he had never thought of questioning what had happened, what was happening and what was going to happen until today. Maybe if he had actually thought for himself instead of being driven forward by his guilt, there might be millions of things that could have been avoided.

But then, that was a thought for the past.

And he was planning to walk into the future.

Stopping in front of Lelouch's room, he hesitated. It was finally time when he would be getting his answers. That is, if Lelouch would answer them. But now that he had finally decided to question whatever that happened, he was hesitating to actually ask them. He had started to wonder if he really did want to know what had happened all those months ago.

But before he could cower again once more (Because this wasn't the first time he had shied away from questioning his once friend), he was saved by his dilemma by Lelouch himself opening the door.

"Suzaku?" Lelouch blinked at him in surprise. It looked like he hadn't expected his Grim Reaper to be at his door so late in the night.

"Lelouch." Suzaku was feeling awkward. He hadn't expected Lelouch to suddenly open his door and find him there.

"Is there any reason you have come here at this time?" Lelouch asked, leaning against his door frame. Suzaku noticed the fact that Lelouch was in his old Ashford Academy uniform sans the black jacket. Unable to resist opening his mouth to ask about it, it didn't surprise him that Lelouch beat him to it.

"It is a lot more comfortable than the Emperor's formal clothes." Lelouch's explanation was simple and Suzaku closed his mouth and nodded.

Awkward silence reigned for a few moments.

Suzaku found the tiles on the floor fascinating. The way the flower twirled around the vine as if seducing it and he was….

"Suzaku?" The brown haired teenager snapped his head up to look at Lelouch who was staring at him in concern.

Suzaku let out a sheepish laugh making Lelouch raise his eyebrows. Realizing how awkward it was getting, Suzaku quickly explained, "I wanted to talk to you."

Another minute of awkward silence.

"Now?" Suzaku realized that normal people didn't end up in front of other's room at 1 in the night to talk.

"Well… you are busy the whole day and…." He muttered something that was inaudible.

"Sorry?" Lelouch tilted his head to the side in confusion.

"Whenever I see you, that Witch is always by your side." Suzaku said loudly.

Lelouch just smirked.

(And Suzaku hated that smirk since it wasn't of his best friend's but of the Emperor's)

"Well, she isn't there with me right now. Why don't we take a walk?" Lelouch offered, stepping out of his room and closing the door behind him. Suzaku blinked but couldn't complain. It will be better and easier for him to think in the fresh air rather than in between closed walls.

He quietly followed Lelouch towards the Gardens.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Lelouch questioned as they strolled through the bright array of magnificent flowers.

Suzaku felt his brain shut down. Now that he had his chance he felt like he didn't want to know. That he was better of not knowing.

(Cause there is a few things that are better left unsaid)

"I-I wanted to talk about Euphie." There, he had said it. He turned his head to the side and looked at the bright pink flowers that adorned the side of the Castle.

(And the flowers reminded him of how Euphie's hair used to swing behind her back as she walked)

"What about her?" Suzaku snapped his head back towards Lelouch and glared at him. He hated the fact that Lelouch looked completely uncaring and apathetic ; it was as if they were talking about the weather and nothing important.

But as he continued to gaze at Lelouch's face, something struck Suzaku. He had always seen Lelouch as Zero or the Emperor. The apathetic face that Lelouch had put on was of the person who killed Euphie. Suzaku had never tried to look past the mask and understand what Lelouch, his best friend and Euphie's brother had felt.

"What happened?" He managed to ask.

"I think I had already answered the question long back. I killed her." The answer was as blank as Lelouch's face.

(And it made Suzaku feel strangely sad)

(Since when had things become so complicated?)

"I don't believe you." Suzaku was surprised that it came out so easily. For more than a year, he went along with the belief that Lelouch had destroyed one of the best things that had ever happened to him but now he somehow knew that Lelouch was not the only one to blame.

(Maybe he always knew it but never acknowledged it. After all, it is easier to have someone to blame for everything that happened)

Lelouch stopped and turned towards him. The moon was not full yet it reflected on the water. Suzaku observed Lelouch's face. And he noticed something he had never noticed before. Something he never wanted to notice before.

The dark circles and the tired eyes. The sardonic smile that always seems to be on his best friend's face was still present. Glancing at the rest of Lelouch, he took note of the too thin frame and the underlying exhaustion despite the regal pose he held.

"I killed her. Plain and simple. Is that so hard to understand?" Lelouch's voice was suddenly harsh and the newly observant Suzaku noticed the way Lelouch's violet (contacts) eyes were widened in panic. Suzaku knew that if one wanted to know what Lelouch was really thinking all they had to do was to look into his eyes.

But ever since Lelouch had obtained Geass in both his eyes, Suzaku was never able to meet his eyes. But this wasn't the time to be shying away.

Sighing, Suzaku pulled a protesting Lelouch along with him to the edge of the small lake by the Garden. Seating himself on the steps, he made Lelouch to sit beside him. He knew Lelouch was livid but he wasn't going to back out after coming this far.

"I want to know what _really_ happened." Suzaku put special emphasis on the word really. He was beginning to understand Lelouch once again. There had been a time in this two years where he had been so lost in is self-loathing that he had never tried to actually understand Lelouch's motivations.

He thought back to what prompted him to question his life in the first place.

_"__Unable to sleep again?" CC's taunting voice cut through his thoughts and he snapped his eyes open, trying to locate the sound of her voice._

_And there she was, sitting by the window sill looking like some kind of fallen angel. But Suzaku knew that she was the furthest thing from an angel. His mouth set in a scowl, he sat up on his bed. In some corner of his mind, he noted the rumpled conditions of his bed sheets and he was sure that he was in no better condition. _

_"__What are you doing here?" _

_She tilted her head and studied him for a moment. It was a full moon night and though it sounded cliché, the moonlight illuminated her body giving her an unearthly glow. For others, it might be a scene of purity and beauty but for Suzaku it was hopelessness._

_"__Can't I come and visit you?" She was mocking him her amber eyes glinting as she tried to get a reaction out of him._

_But that right was only reserved for Lelouch now._

_"__What do you want?" He asked, a bit calmer now. He slipped on the perfect blank façade he had learnt from Lelouch. Normally, he had a hard time keeping his facade (after all, he had very expressive eyes) but he didn't care about it now._

_C.C didn't answer but turned back towards the window and stared out of it._

_As he opened his mouth to say something she started._

_"__The Moon is beautiful isn't it? Even the sun is beautiful in its own way." He didn't understand where she was going with this. But then, he never had. So he stayed silent and waited for her to continue._

_"__The sun shines bright during the day, giving people happiness while the moon comes alive at night, guiding people through their hardest times." She turned to look at him._

_"__I wonder which one of you is the sun and which one is the moon. Because both you have the weight of the world resting on your shoulders." _

Now, looking at the crescent moon, he couldn't help but think that it was Lelouch who most resembled the moon. He was the one who guided the people who their darkest hours, who gave them, hope and the reason to live. And while Suzaku was the sun, shining like a new hope but slowly burning down the people around him.

A traitor.

"I killed her." The sentence was simple but not the one Suzaku wanted to hear.

"I know that." It came out a bit stiffly. "But what led to you killing her?"

Lelouch looked down. Suzaku glanced at him. He had never been able to read Lelouch's expressions but for some reason today, he was able to pinpoint each and every single shadow on his face.

(Maybe he had never actually _tried _to understand Lelouch. After all, it had been easier to blame him then agree with him)

"Please Lelouch." Lelouch looked at him, wide eyes in his surprise. Suzaku himself was surprised. He never did want to say anything. But he knew that he couldn't stop now. "Please. I am begging you. I just- I just want to know why." He held his hands together as if in a prayer to stop it from shaking. "Especially since… since I am going to be living without anyone… without you, I think only the truth can keep me sane. Please."

Suzaku didn't think Lelouch would agree. He stared at his hands and wondered since when had things started to become so damn _complicated _between him and Lelouch. He couldn't believe that there was once a time where they could speak to each other about anything and everything without hesitation. But he knew that it was the past and….

"I never wanted to hurt her." Suzaku's head snapped up and he stared at Lelouch in shock. Lelouch, on the other hand, was staring at the moon and Suzaku knew that he was a million miles away. He kept quiet.

"She was my favorite sister after Nunnally. She was the one person in the Britannian Royal Family who I wouldn't have been able to fight against."

"Yet you killed her." Lelouch grimaced at the sharp comment from Suzaku and Suzaku thought that he would stop talking. But Lelouch merely spread his hands and stared at it.

"Yes I did. I killed her with my own hands." Lelouch closed his eyes and the scowl didn't leave Suzaku's face.

"Why?" Suzaku muttered. "If you loved her then why did you kill her? She only wanted good for everyone. She was even ready to agree with Zero!"

"She knew I was Zero."

Suzaku stared at Lelouch. He had always suspected it but he had never thought that Euphie would agree with Lelouch on his methods.

"She knew I was Zero and that Nunnally was alive. That day… the day when she announced her plan about the SAZ, she met Nunnally." Lelouch ran a hand through his hair and Suzaku could not tear his eyes off him in his eagerness to learn the truth.

"When did she find out who you were?"

"She had suspected it since the Hotel Jacking Incident. But it was confirmed when the four of us got trapped on Kamine Island." Lelouch explained.

"Wait a minute! You mean she knew it was you when you were threatening her?"

"I was not threatening her." Lelouch sounded annoyed. "I told her to go along with what I was doing and she agreed. You were an idiot to think I was serious." Suzaku merely spluttered in indignation at being called an idiot. Lelouch rolled his eyes and continued.

"She asked for Zero's cooperation because she knew I would come. I didn't know if she thought she could make me agree to her proposition or not but she knew I would surely come." Lelouch bent his head and the slightly playful air turned thick. "And I did come. I still think of what would've happened if I never came. Maybe all this wouldn't have happened."

Lelouch sighed. "But I guess it's too late to regret anything."

Suzaku glared in irritation at Lelouch. He wanted to know what happened. Something was telling him that there was more than met the eye to the story.

"She was sure, so sure that I wouldn't hurt her. That is one reason she agreed to a private conference with me. Then…. I geassed her. Turned her into a monster." Lelouch ended abruptly and Suzaku frowned. His hands had started shaking and he was strangely relieved to find Lelouch's was shaking too.

"Why did you Geass her?" Suzaku was starting to get tired of repeating the same question again and again. But he was too close to turn back now. "Is it because you didn't agree with her idea?"

"On the contrary." Ignoring Suzaku's eyes, Lelouch went on. "I actually agreed to her plan. Grudgingly yes, but I did agree in the end. When she told me that she was doing it for Nunnally and she was planning to give up her right to the throne, I couldn't help but agree."

"Then what went wrong?" Suzaku's voice was quiet and despite that it seemed to cut through the heavy silence that had settled between them.

"I lost control of my Geass." It was a short sentence but it had a big impact. Suzaku opened his mouth to speak something –_ anything- _but found that he couldn't. Lelouch had turned away completely and Suzaku didn't know what he was feeling anymore.

"My plan at first was to have her shoot me- _ Geass _her into shooting me to gain sympathy of the Japanese. But she had convinced me to join up with her. But when she didn't believe I could make her shoot me, I used an example of how I could make her do anything including killing all the Japanese….." Lelouch had fallen silent. Suzaku didn't know what to feel. He just felt…. _ Empty._

Euphie had died because of a mistake. A bloody mistake. She could've been laughing, smiling and _happy _if Lelouch could've just controlled his Geass. Suzaku stood up. Lelouch didn't turn to look at him. "If I may take your leave." Suzaku executed a stiff bow which Lelouch didn't see and made his way back to the castle.

He was wrong to think that talking with Lelouch would reduce his burden. It had just made the weight of his guilt heavier than before. His footsteps echoed through the hallway as he entered the Castle.

"It isn't his mistake you know." Suzaku froze and stood straight with his head held high.

"I don't think you can defend him anymore." His vice was cool as he turned back to see CC standing behind him. She stared at him with her Golden cat like eyes that just increased his anger. "You could've prevented it couldn't you? You could've warned him that his Geass was going to lose control! You could've stopped Euphie from…." He stood there, panting after his outburst.

She continued to study him.

"Are you going to try to defend yourself?" He snapped.

"No." She tilted her head to the head thoughtfully. "I know that I am responsible for whatever has happened until now. I am the catalyst that set this chain of events in action. I am the reason your Euphie is dead."

And Suzaku deflated. He leaned against the wall and slid down, his head in his hands. He could feel her sit beside him but he didn't have anything left in him to scream at her anymore.

"Stop blaming Lelouch." He snapped his head up and glared at her, his mouth open to argue with her.

"Listen to me." He fell silent yet continued to glare at her. "I know that you think that Lelouch is responsible for everything that has happened but you are wrong." At his disbelieving glance, she just shook her head. "I know that it is hard for you to digest but you both are the same."

A bitter laugh escaped his lips. "Similar in what way?"

"You were both doomed to a life of misery and loneliness." CC titled her head back and closed her eyes. "I have known Lelouch since he was born and you since you were 9 years old." Ignoring Suzaku's suspicious look she continued, "Your both fates are entwined together so tightly together that if anything happens to him it would have a big impact on you too."

She looked at him. "Like the sun and the moon."

He looked away from her haunting golden eyes and muttered, "But I am nothing like him."

"Maybe you aren't. But I don't see him holding a childish grudge like you are." He turned and glared at her. It didn't faze her and she continued," Despite you betraying him and taking his sister away, you were the first one he remembered when he wanted help." Suzaku clenched his fist and gritted his teeth.

"He saved your life more times than you can count. Despite knowing that you are the Lancelot's pilot he still came to your rescue when you were in trouble." She stood up. "Despite everything you had done, he still considered you as his best friend."

As she made her way down the hallway he could hear her lilting voice trailing behind her, "I wonder what he is to you…."

Lelouch was sitting in the same spot Suzaku had left him.

"Hey." Lelouch jumped and looked behind. Suzaku stood there with a slightly sheepish look on his face. Lelouch blinked his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"You are back." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yes." Suzaku again took his place beside Lelouch.

Lelouch smirked. "Thinking about killing me now?"

Suzaku shook his head. "Had a few plans but discarded them." A Lelouch's curious glance, Suzaku smiled sadly. "I don't want to kill a dying man." Lelouch let a bitter smile light up his face as he turned back to stare at the lake.

"You make me sound like a cancer patient."

"I am sorry." Lelouch looked back at Suzaku as he blurted his apology. "I am sorry for… for walking away without listening to you. Without trying to understand you….." He trailed off as his face turned red with embarrassment. Lelouch just stared at him for a moment before smiling.

"I think I deserve it."

"No you don't." Suzaku himself couldn't believe that he was defending Lelouch but he knew that it was time for him to stop being in denial. "You aren't the only one at fault here. You…. You broadcasted yourself as a villain. As the person who doesn't care for anyone, who never did care for anyone." Suzaku paused. "But in reality you are a completely different person."

"Really? What kind of person am I?" Lelouch's attention was now completely on him.

"You are the kind of person who doesn't care about strangers but would lie his life down for the people he cares about. You are the kind of person who wouldn't blink while killing a thousand men but would cry when you are forced to kill your own family. You are the kind of person who would never kill someone you loved even if it was to save your own skin." Suzaku glanced at Lelouch. "You are a better person than me, a person who is able to accept all his faults without trying to hide them behind a façade of nobleness."

Lelouch gaped at Suzaku. Suzaku let out a sheepish laugh. "Was it too melodramatic?" Lelouch blinked before chuckling.

"A bit too much emotional." Though Suzaku noticed the slight tremor in Lelouch's voice he didn't point it out. A few more minutes passed in silence. But unlike the previous one, this silence was filled with a kind of peace and satisfaction.

"Since we are talking about all this can I ask you something?" Suzaku blinked at Lelouch's sudden question.

"Sure."

"Why did you agree to meet me? When Nunnally was kidnapped and I called you, you had every right to turn me away but you didn't. Why?"

Suzaku leaned back and thought about it.

"I think…. Because I understood the meaning of friendship." Seeing Lelouch's confused expression, Suzaku expanded. "There were people out there who were willing to protect you and your identity. I wanted to patch things up as a last tribute for a dear friend."

'Shirley." Lelouch whispered and Suzaku could see the grief in his eyes. Suzaku's eyes softened.

"She loved you, you know." Suzaku stared at his hands. "I don't know how but…. But she knew that you were Zero and she was the one who asked me to forgive you. She told me that she forgave you a long time ago and I should forgive you too." Suzaku closed his eyes as the image of a kind hearted orange haired girl came to his mind. Lelouch remained silent.

"At that time, I couldn't question what she meant by that. And that was the last time I saw her alive." Suzaku opened his eyes and spared a glance at Lelouch.

'Well, at least he cares.' Suzaku thought taking in Lelouch's grief stricken expression.

"I thought you had killed her at first." Lelouch met Suzaku's eyes as Suzaku went on. "That seemed to be the most probable explanation at that time and…" Suzaku shrugged. "You seemed like a monster to me."

"I was a monster. Shirley….. She….. Despite everything I did…. It was because of Zero her dad had died, and it was because of me that she was manipulated by Mao."

"What?" Suzaku's voice was flat as he narrowed his eyes.

Lelouch looked away and Suzaku could somehow see the guilt eating him. "Mao, the man who had kidnapped Nunnally. It wasn't the first time he had tried to hurt me through someone I cared about. His first target had been Shirley."

"Because of CC." Suzaku didn't need any confirmation. He knew it.

Lelouch nodded. "Shirley had found out my identity that day on the docks. She didn't tell anyone. He tried to make Shirley to shoot me. But…. But even then…. Even after everything I had done… she still didn't shoot me." Lelouch sighed. "I didn't want her to suffer because of me. So I did the only thing I could."

"You erased her memories about everything that had happened. Even about you." Suzaku realized with a jolt. The weird behavior of Shirley had now started to make sense. She wasn't ignoring Lelouch on purpose; she really didn't know who he was.

"That seemed the safest thing for her. And I thought it worked. But after I became Zero again, she regained her memories."

"How?" Suzaku frowned. As far as he knew there was no way to break out from a Geass unless you had contact with a contractor or Jeremiah's…

"Jeremiah's Geass Canceller!" Suzaku blurted out.

Lelouch grimaced. "Yes, that's what I think happened. That's why she was so scared on that day."

"That's why she wanted to meet me. She wanted to confirm what was happening with you." Suzaku couldn't believe it. He should've realized that something was amiss. But he had been so focused on proving that Lelouch was Zero that he had forgotten about the others.

"I tried to save her." Suzaku's eyes softened as he looked at Lelouch's sad expression. "I tried to use my Geass on her and I ordered her to live. But it didn't work."

"She was too far gone for it to take effect." Suzaku completed in a hushed whisper. It warmed his heart that Lelouch had made an effort to save her despite the fact that she was a danger to his identity and could have possibly ruined and destroyed all the plans he had.

"I think her dying set of the chain of events that led to the Black Knights betraying me." At this, Suzaku blinked in surprise.

"How?"

Lelouch stayed silent for a few moments. Suzaku looked suspiciously at him. "Lelouch…. What did you do?"

"I annihilated the Geass Order." As Suzaku stared at Lelouch in surprise and horror he continued, "Shirley…. She died because of Geass…. It was Geass that had manipulated her, Geass that had erased her memories. And in the end….. It was Rolo's Geass that led to her death."

"But why did you destroy them?"

"My original plan was to use them against VV and Charles. But after Shirley's death… I guess my plan had some alterations." Suzaku started to panic a bit when Lelouch's mask started to slip into place. He didn't accept the way Lelouch had done all the things he had but neither could he condemn it. The intentions behind the actions were noble but the means were too horrid.

(Maybe the reason he understood Lelouch's point of view is because he too had tried to do the right thing many times only for it to go horribly wrong and worsen the situation)

"We are one demented pair of friends." Suzaku shook his head though there was still a small smile on his face.

"Friends huh?" Lelouch looked speculative. "Don't you hate me?"

"I did hate you. But after this…..enlightening conversation I realized that it is useless to hold grudges. Yes, we have had our differences but we are more or less moving towards the same goal. Maybe our paths had been different but now there isn't anything that can keep us fighting against each other." Suzaku met Lelouch's eyes with a determined stare. "Of course I can never ever forgive you for what you have done but….. For some reason I cannot possible fathom you are still my best friend."

"For the past 8 years." Lelouch grinned and stood up gracefully. "It's nearly dawn. We better go inside before we catch a cold. It wouldn't do for the Emperor of the world to lie in bed with a cold right?" Suzaku blinked as he realized that the sky had turned lighter and barely visible hints of the sun light could see from the horizon.

"It's a new day." Suzaku muttered as he stood up and ran behind Lelouch. "Hey! Wait up, Your Highness."

As the two figures slowly faded away a light tinkling laugh could be heard through the grounds.

"Looks like we don't have to worry about anything anymore." A shadowy figure declared with happiness lacing her tone.

"Yes, they are going to be fine." Ex-princess Euphemia li Britannia agreed with her companion as they floated in the air on top of the lake.

"So shall we go back?" Her companion gestured towards the sky.

Grinning, Euphemia merely nodded before shooting upwards. She didn't need to look down to see her companion following her. "By the way, I think Lelouch loved you. He really regrets your death."

Shirley Finette spluttered out a half understandable denial and the sound of Euphemia's trailing laughter were left behind as the sun peaked above the horizon.

**Author Notes: ****A happy ending (according to me at least) I was in no mood to write an angsty fic so this is what came out. Review and tell me how it was! **


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